.::.cReDiTs.::.
.::.MeSsaGe Me.::.
Life had been very hectic to me. As you know I'm doing my final year project during this holiday, in addition, my supervisor wants us to submit introduction chapter & literature review by the end of this month, I'm not ready with mine yet
.. and to make it worse, all my expt results for the last few weeks were all wrong!!!! so... officially, I'd not gotten any result 
Aghhh....... I felt real bad when I met my sup last monday. He was there when I did one of the expt, and luckily he noticed that I used wrong probe for characterization. And I'd done it already for my 4 samples!!! usually he always commented jokingly if I got my result wrong, however, on that day, mebbe because he was busy (because he was supervising MEPC of 2nd yr student also at that time), or mebbe he'd felt dissapointed with me? He looked very serious. Although he was OK in the afternoon, I still felt uneasy. Honest... I felt dissapointed with myself also.
All school's labs will be busy during this holiday due to MEPC, all technicians will be fully occupied, so it will not be easy to ask them for help. There's one instrument in metal workshop lab, only Phd students and technicians are allowed to operate it (very complicated they said). And I was desperatelly using that instrument [the same instrument where I got the wrong result]... For the past few weeks, there was always technician or my Phd friend operating it for me. But since then, the technician had been very busy, I have to wait, wait and wait... Moreover, my Phd friend was typing his report, It wouldn't be nice if I distracted him everyhour rite? Then, I decided not to do nothing (it's real infuriating), with the remaining memories they'd tought and showed me ... and with the last courage of mine
, I started to learn operating it by myself... It was difficult though, I always got it wrong at first... the fear of damaging my samples as well as the equipment were very despairing me... I always said a prayer before I click 'start' to execute task... can u imagine!!!! (so many exclamation marks, huh?!)
But finally, I managed to operate it, I got my results correctly also this time (I think so hehehe... )
... thanks to the technician and that Phd student who always visited me to check wheather I'd crushed the equipment to ashes (exaggerating hahaha =P~ *AMIT AMIT, jangan sampe deeeh **tok tok tok**)... They were really helpful, although they had to take care of many many students in the lab.
Today, my sup was in the same lab (I'll see him every morning till 28 dec hihihi...). He was there observing me setting up the equipment. And then he commented, "Seems that you are already an expert" [with his trademark 'garing' grin]. Then I said... "Not bad, Sir..." [with my trademark 'sweet' grin huhauhauhua.... all ppl will start asking me to see to mirror more often
*J/K ok?!]. Then... he asked me when I would be able to finish testing all my samples, then then... he said he got some samples to be tested also, and he asked me to test them for him... then then then... stupidly I agreed!!! [how could I reject his request?! He is the one giving me mark!!!].... then then then then... he said he'd pass me the samples next week. OH NOOOOOOOOO!!!! I started to feel worried.... how if I destroy his samples?!!!! I'm quite a clumsy gal... too clumsy to be helpful. Then then then then then..... HOW?!!!!
I feel grateful today. I started to think.... if everything went smoothly in the past few weeks, if I managed to get the technician or Phd student to do all the tests for me, if I got my results all correct, I wouldn't have ever felt this satisfied feeling.... Satisfied because finally I could do something to myself without depending on others... and also because I'd been overcoming myown fear. I know that I'd wasted my time but you wouldn't know how sweet actually tastes if you've never experienced any bitterness. It's true that everybody sure want their life to run smoothly... but everytime you feel down and dissapointed, don't you think that they're actually adding value to your life? As you solve the problem and face the failure that you've done, it is real tough... but when you've already succeed... you'll come to a point when you're looking back to the past, and be grateful all of the things ever happen.
I'm not saying that everything will be allright and smooth to me eventually. I'm sure that I'll do lotz more mistakes again again and again... but I'll try to be brave and solve the problem little by little. I believe all the sacrifices are worthwhile if you really do your best, although the result may not be the best.
I know that it's not only me who always blame themself for every failure that they have done... just be brave ok?! No matter what happens in the future, just treasure what you're doing right now and you've done just now... even though you may think that it's a big mistake, don't be silly... everything will taste even sweeter in the end... I promise. There's nothing meaningless in every steps that you take, because you're living your own life =) Just enjoy the journey.
I don't know why I'm writing this... only my thought.
I felt like Carrie Bradshaw from SATC while writing this hehehe.....
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::~Rain~ :11/26/2003 06:54:00 PM::