.::.cReDiTs.::.
.::.MeSsaGe Me.::.
Dah lama gak isi bLog. Bolak balik terus... tapi bingung mo isi apa. Males juga sih... I'm currently at the lowest point of my life, I feel so alone, lost and disoriented, I always think 'Now what?!'. Once I feel of doing something, I always end up postponing it. Is it because I fear to go on? Or is it because I'm just hopeless? I'm scared... honestly. I feel like I have nobody to talk to... I'm alone. Everybody seems so busy with own stuffs. Although there are friends... the feeling is just so empty. But it's also my fault, I'm afraid to start conversation, afraid to ask them to listen to me, afraid to ask them to have lunch or dinner together... I'm afraid of rejection. The will to protect myown feeling has made me burried in loneliness. This is just not me.... I've never been like this before. What's wrong with me?! I'm tired of pretending to be my usual self. I'm lazy to talk nowadays... and most of the time I put on fake smile... I feel terrified meeting other people... What a horrible person I've turned to be... I disgust myself. Hate it!!!!
Just watched LOTR with chen at Golden Village few hours ago. I was afraid to ask her out at the first time.. yeah like what I said before, I'm afraid of rejection... I have encountered quite a number of cancelled plans, kinda dissapointed... But I finally did... I asked her out, only with 15 minutes preparation we went off :D.
I have to admitt that the movie was just simply great... I luv it. Erm... while I was watching the movie, I got my mind wondering... 'what would I do if I faced to the same situation like they did... surrounded by much much bigger & strong enemies, where there is almost no hope, no way out...' I think I might just stay there, wait for a prince with white horse to save me :P~ Hehehe... silly girl, but I really hope that prince is Legolas (I forget what his horse color is I'm sure that Gandalf's is white) But honestly, I haven't decided what my answer will be... With my current spirit state, I might just give up...
What did I do for the past few weeks? Recently we celebrated Chen's Bday at NYDC in Holland V... Days before that, we had this buffet dinner at Gapz in Orchard, continued with chit chat-ing at Lips over cheese cakes till almost 3 am, and day after that I just felt sick, got fever and runny nose....
Okay... I'm going back HOME tomorrow afternoon :D :D :D :D :D :D. Let's see wheather I will feel better or worse :D. Wish that my short holiday turns great.
Currently feeling: Missing my friends
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::~Rain~ :12/23/2003 11:56:00 PM::