.::.cReDiTs.::.
.::.MeSsaGe Me.::.
BitTeR sWeet YesTerDay...
Life... the more trouble you face, the happier you are...
Is it true? I think so...
This is a story of my yesterday. Things were a bit complicated for the whole day. Well... I am currently looking for job, and I can't decide which one is good for me, so I'm kinda holding back... don't know where I am heading and of course I feel really miserably about that. Can you imagine, my study ends in 1 month time and so does my scholarsip... but yet, I still don't know where I am gonna work... no official acceptance and I am not quite confident that I am gonna secure one soon... Why am I so indecisive? I regret for not deciding sooner and take any necessary action. I wish I don't need to cause any burden to my family... and really wish to be sombody to them. Those expectations are kinda burning me out, I keep on worrying. I pray hard everyday... hope my dream comes true... God, don't give up on me now.
Yesteday, I started my day miserably... didn't know why, the electricity at home suddenly blacked out, I felt so worried... worried that something was burning or something, and was quite confused what to do before I went off to school... I decided not to do anything, just do a bit checking and run off to school before I was late to the lab. And the whole day... I was worried that the foods in the fridge would go rotten... and kept on blaming myself for being so useless.
At school I was welcomed by knowing that somebody still wanted me... although the context was not to the direction that I wanted (which is job)... but at least that made my day for a while :D RealLy unexpected and unanticipated, but I was happy that happened hehe... can I say... a postponed happiness, kinda very late though... 6 years? Guess that I am very much older :P
As usual, working with my lab-partner was really tiring... I am hoping every single second that she doesn't do any silly thing. I talk to her enough and then decide to just close one eye as long as what she does won't explode the whole lab... I am enough with her stuborness. So was I yesterday, kept quite while hoping she did everything correctly.
I went out for dinner with my uncle, we talked a lot... and I told him about my worries including my brother's admission to university issues. I had more worries for him... I wished I could be around at home, supervising how he did and providing whatever he needed... but I couldn't. I was so frustated, I didn't want him to go to wrong direction... well I just wanted to make sure that he really tried... and at the same time, I couldn't ask my father for more, the situation was not just possible, and I still had myown issues to be taken care off. My uncle then said, 'Ing... don't worry to much about yourself, you still have me here... you know who to ask for help, right? Just do whatever you think is right for your brother.' I was so relieved... knowing that somebody supported my decision and gestured that 'don't worry to fall... I am here to catch you!'... Like in the previous day, Mat came and he did the same.
Then I decided to call home, informing my brother about the decision I had already made for him... I was willing to put him as my priority, that was the least I could do from this distance. But then my father objected... he would support what I wanted my brother to do. But Pa, I just wanted to be somewhat useful for you... I had always been giving you trouble by forcing to execute any idealistic plans that I have... I didn't want to cause you any burden. And then he said, 'I am proud enough to have you, I never see you as a burden... my silly girl!' that really bursted me into tears... One day, Pa... wait for some more days, I will really make you proud.
Then at night, I burried myself in my usual routine... watching out for any job suitable for me to apply... better late than never, right?! I admit that I was very stressful, especially when I found nothing. I felt all alone... everybody left the student room already.
As usual, Aguz greeted me in MSN in his usual online time... and as usual he reminded me that it was already late, to go home and take some rest and when I refused, he sent me nice songs and cracked jokes... Without I realized, he filled up the space left with laughter. He listened without judging, never told me what to do... never pointed what I did wrong. It is nice to always talk to him about anything because he doesn't know what I really am, and that relieved me in some points that I won't be left judged. Ko Foode is also always be there if I need some amusements and face massage sessions :P p/s Where is ko Foode ya? He disappears!
And also, one of my friends I accidentally met in town during weekend... he called me out of the blue in the MSN saying... 'Ing, you were soooooooooooo pretty yesterday!' (did I put too much 'o'? hehe)... Then we chatted for a while and cracked myself up with his jokes. I did defend myself, but he still made my day, although it was a bit late hehe...
Not forget to mention my roommie cHen and also MB who always help me with anything they can just to make sure that I have something to struggle on. Sometimes I receive two same emails about job related stuffs sent by both of them separately. That's encuraging...
Guess life is just too heavy when you carry the journey alone... I am glad to have this wonderful people around me... I feel so loved, and that's enough to make me keep on going on.
GanBatTe Ing :)
::::
::~Rain~ :5/17/2005 09:21:00 AM::